a million miles from home i'm walking ahead

ofhellsfire:

’            ’
     

& for once he’s completely at the
           mercy of another. hands that were
           once   caressing   the   skin  of  his  
           brother were now clawing, scraping
           against  the  flesh  of  the  only  thing      
           stable. 
   ’ gabriel. ’
           the word comes out as a choked sound
                           betrayal.  

                  & that single word is nearly enough to  B R E A K  him,
                  but he  holds  firm,  blade stayed  before it  can   k i l l ,
                  but deep enough that it is mortal, & he wants so badly
                  to close his eyes  —–
                                    he’d wanted to when lucifer was killing him
                                    but he’d forced himself to LOOK
                                               —–  but  he  doesn’t,  afixes  amber
                  lenses to ones of frosted blue glass & holds his brother
                  upright  ( as his brother had held him upright )  & meets
                  his eyes  as scrabbling fingers  glance ineffectually  off
                  his skin & lets lucifer see the pure  R E G R E T  that is
                  consuming his insides now, but speaks in a tone level
                  as                                     still                                       water.

                                    “ you couldn’t say my name the last time we were here,
                                                                                                             could you?
                                       that would have made it too real. ”

                     and despite the words, there is nothing mocking in his tone.
                     just misery.
                     the kind of misery that makes up for its silence with its sheer weight.